Monday, January 21, 2019

thoughts and faith

I am grateful for this blog and for the love of writing. I am grateful to have an outlet. To have a chance to write and document the things of my heart and days that make me so happy. I love looking back and remembering. I want to remember everything to capture every moment but time just keeps moving forward and so many special moments are missed or pictures never taken. 

It's funny at a really young age I perfected the art of apologizing to my journals and justifying the abandonment for the days and weeks missed. I would write sorry, and explain to my journal that life is such a blur and time is going fast and too much has happened to possibly write it, and with each line my handwriting would grow more caress and then I would say goodnight and didn't write anything but an apology and that life is good. 

But, journaling has always been something I have know is important and counseled to do in my patriarchal blessing.

"You were given great responsibility and promises of blessings from before your mortal birth to be a spokesperson for truth and light and to reflect that in your daily life to those about you. . It is important that you record the experiences of your daily life for those will be a treasure to you in time to come. . . "

 These post are already such a treasure to me. These days are so good and so happy and so hard too. Right now, Riley is on a business trip and it's just me and my sidekick alone for the week. I miss Riley, so grateful to have someone to miss and love. He has been working long hours these past months. I can't believe I use to actually worry and wonder about his 'work ethic' when we dating and even when we moved here after Hawaii I wondered if he could actually work at a desk for 8 hours straight, and now majority of his days he works double that. 

At night, after days of not even seeing Luke when he is awake. Riley will pick him up asleep in bed and lay him across his chest asleep and cuddle him and whisper how much he loves him. I want to remember this. I want to remember the sacrifice and love and all he does for us. 

I want to remember Luke, his eye-rolls and even his hints of 'terrible two'. I started writing (actually writing in another journal) these 'tales of toddlerhood' and letters to him and funny quotes because each day is so good with new words and magic and messes.

I also want others to remember my faith. That is what I mostly wanted to do in writing this post. To share my testimony and belief in God and Jesus Christ. This past year has been one of the hardest ones for my individual faith, lots of confusion and at times darkness and a few days of despair and doubt. But light and clarity came and was available slowly, and honestly holding to the truths I do know and personal inspiration that I have felt previously helps provide comfort and assurance to the knowledge I lack. I believe that God is there and does listen, he has answered my prayers on SO many occasions and has performed real miracles in my life and families. I think some answers and knowledge require study, time, and personal trials to learn and that is why we are here to earth to obtain this experience and grow to become like our Savior. I'm so grateful for that and for all the blessings and truths I do know. 

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